Photo: Robert Kulisek for Eckhaus Latta
Precarity, betrayal, zones of expulsion, war – as we venture toward the singularity, why go it alone? Formalizing social bonds in these connectionist times may be complicated, but get into the right relationship, and the return on investment can be quite high.
Offering insight regarding the latest marriage options, artist Daniel Keller (of the former collective AIDS-3D) gives his top tips here. The list, penned in a neo net English, is followed by a glossary by Ella Plevin (in English and German).
Love is patient. Love is kind. And sometimes Love is just plain weird! And now it can be streamlined and customized to your unique specifications!
Interpersonal relations can be confusing but boy can they be rewarding. Once you and boo(s) have arrived at your choice of commitment structure, it’s time to set up the means to an amour without end – unless you include a time-based sustainability or geoprox clause, of course. Let’s start with the basics: Before entering into any form of commitment contract, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Choosing the right co-founder: someone(s) or something(s)! with complementary strengths is key. You may also want to:
Optimize for happiness.
Lower barriers for experimentation.
Take the long view.
Be nice. Cultivate a culture of mindfulness and meaning in your Marriage Stack! Make sure you make the right decision for YOU with our handy guide to the hottest solutions out there!
1. The “Vanilla” Delaware vs. AKoN Style LLC Marriage
It’s no secret that DelAware and the Autonomous Kingdoms of Nevada (AKoN) have spent the past decade in an all out arms race to provide the most progressive and corpo-flexi legal codes on the North American patchwork. This “healthy” competition has been attributed to a steady loss of population (due to The Searise in DelAware and The Drought in AKoN) and the corresponding need in these two regions for increased fiscal leveraging. Both territories have rushed to offer what are the easiest and most flexible “vanilla” marriage stacks, and the best coinciding incentives. But how to decide which stack is right for you?
First, know which traits Marriage LLCs in these regions share:
Universal availability: Both territories offer Marriage LLC’s for everyone including, couples, polygroups (of any sexual orientation), single-parent families, and conjoined otherkin.
Modular and flexible: Both AKoN and DelAware offer marriage structures that are suitable for a wide range of typical relationship-stack scenarios including retrostacks with tradmarriage attributes.
Optional religio-spiritual commitment ceremony modules. (note: AKoN’s are slightly fancier.)
Most importantly, AKoN and DelAware unions are both recognized globally (at least in most practical applications) and in low Earth orbit, regardless of local marriage or commitment laws.
Now here’s how they differ:
One big advantage of DelAware’s legal code is its easy offspring-subsidiary clauses. In DelAware, offspring automatically count as second-tiered subsidiaries with tax-exempt status until they are spun-off at age-of-majority.
DelAware is ahead of the curve when it comes to far-out algofinancialization schemes; the recently emerged DelAware Relationship Futures Xchange is a prime example. If you are interested in easily leveraging your relationship, interested in making your LLC marriage work for you, this is your easiest access option.
Security. Recently, a number of new algobizs have popped up online offering an array of services and credits at attractive rates in exchange for equity in your stack. It’s still unclear, with these algobizs, what the endgame might be. Most likely, Cryptos, or the ilk, bundling LLC Marriage stacks into structured products (called “multi-tranched Relationship Default Swaps”) that are in turn marketed to foreign pension algofunds which are always hungry for more risk product. Who really knows what’s going on. But in any case, DelAware’s Black Box Secrecy Laws are essentially airtight.
Note that AKoN’s geoprox and sovrinty laws generally deter private equity algobizs from investing in AKoN Marriages, which is why this kind of exchange hasn’t yet been seen in AKoN.
Further, geoprox clauses are particularly tight in AKoN. (What happens in AKoN stays in AKoN.)
AKoN is also the ideal base to declare technical self-sovrinty. Claim a chunk of desert as your corpo-marital homeland!
Few marriage stackers have the guts to brave the extreme climate of the former Nevadan North (the region King Mencius allotted for the pilot autonomous sovrin zones). For the less pioneering, the territory of AKoN offers the full retro tradmarriage stacks with an optional timeshare condo/HQ in NuVegas’s burgeoning tourism/retirement cluster.
So the bottom line? While DelAware’s options might not be as glamorous as a no-holds-barred fantasy NuVegas LLCeremony in AKoN, they do have practical advantages. Whether you decide on AKoN or DelAware, you’re sure to find the right stack solution for your incorporation nuptials.
2. Public Marriage Inc.
While LLC marriage vehicles offer the best secrecy and widest range of contingencies, there is also – for relationships whose income is publicity-dependent – the Public option. The most notable example of this was undoubtedly the blockbuster Kimyecorp IPO. Kim and Kanye’s successful launch on IntercontinentalXchange was the first recorded instance of Marriage Equity being publicaly traded. (note: its value appreciated 28% during the first 24 hours.) Thirsty B-listers, looking to expand their equity base, soon followed suit, including outside investors into their relationships. Most of these pump-and-dump schemes are listed on OTC pink sheets and tend to wind up in divorceruptcy court within a couple of years. There are safer ways to put your marriage to work; go public at your own risk people!
3. Cloud Marriages
Maybe you like to keep things low-key and off the books? Maybe you haven’t even met your future spouse(s) outside of encrypted chat seshes? If this sounds like you, an Anon-Anon(s) Ethereum Cloud Marriage is probably the way to go. This is the Alt Marriage stack to out-Alt all others. Ethereum, of course, has been the go-to platform for blockchain-powered smart-contracts of all kinds since it was rolled out. Some specific features that may be of interest:
Catfish Clauses/Auto-Divorce: Ethereum Marriages can be automatically annulled should any type of identity catfishing be discovered.
Multi-Sig p2p Witnesses: As soon as the wedding contract is enabled, the marriage is authenticated by a chain of multi-sig witness asserts, ensuring global threading of the stack in minutes.
100% Custom Jurisdiction: Ethereum marriages are designed to be modular, with every clause geoprox enabled. Pick any geostate’s legal backing or go pure Cloud – it’s up to you!
Seastead cold storage vs. crypto cloud backups: Flexibility for you to choose exactly how your vows and assets are archived. Choose from either distributed encrypted backups or cold storage on a high security dedicated Seastead data platform.
Extreme Stackability: Stacks on stacks on stacks!!! From tradmarriages and LLC marriages to employment contracts, property contracts, and absorption into multinational public corporations – you name it – with Ethereum cloud marriages, it stacks.
Self-marriage is the ultimate declaration of personal actualization. What better way to advertise your holistic wealth to so many other broken individuals, polypools, smug couples, or objectums than to marry YOU? Self-marriage has a long and respected history as an Alt Marriage stack option, with a precedent set early on in 2003, when, on her 30th birthday, artist Jennifer Hoes told herself “I do.” In her own words: “Why not pledge allegiance to yourself in a ceremony that recognizes you as basis for completion of your own life and relationships?” These days there are plenty of spousal substitutes. Just say I do to you!
5. Spice up your Stack
Whichever Stack you ultimately choose, it’s worth considering one or more of these popular modifier clauses.
Otaku marriage: Marry your waifu.
Necro marriage: Legal union with the dead.
Objectum marriage: In some custom jurisdictions (those that grant full personhood to the inanimate or conceptual) it is perfectly legal to tradmarry pretty much anything you want; no stacking required.
Algobiz: Autonomous corporate vehicle software, operating with only partial human input or entirely without it.
Autonomous Kingdoms of Nevada (AKoN): A post-devolution iteration of the old-world American State of Nevada. “An iDrive“ also refers to “the Devolutions,” a fragmentary series of events that led AKoN to its prevailing state. The nature of these events is unclear.
Block-chain: A public ledger charting the transactions of a bitcoin. Each “block” is an account of accepted transactions made within a portion of an hour. The term is used within Hottest NEW ALT Marriage Stack Solutions to suggest a system of accountability within smart-contract networks.
Catfish clause: A clause that allows a contract to be terminated or amended upon the realization that a persona has been falsely conveyed. Catfishing refers to the MTV “factual entertainment” program about the phenomena of “untrue” identities assumed online in order to tempt or trick a stranger into a relationship under false pretences.
Cold storage: A term for the safekeeping of bitcoin wallets through storage in an offline format (for example on a usb stick, in a vault, or on printed paper) rather than on a web server or any other computer.
Cryptos: short for encrypted; Cryptos may be some kind of fictionalized post-Anonymous anonymous political faction.
DelAware: A rebranded “neo-Delaware.” The state’s history of corporate-friendly laws and advanced legal precedents, with legal code customized for Wall Street, makes Delaware -America’s tax haven. Over half of all publicly traded and Fortune 500 companies incorporate here.
Distributed back-up: The storage of contracts (smart contracts) within a cloud-based p2p framework.
The Drought: A recent historical megadrought in and around Nevada.
Geoprox: Geo-proximity-based smart dissolution clause. Should one party leave a stipulated location or enter into a zone that another party has specified as “no-go” (an ex’s house, for example), the contract is automatically terminated.
Global threading: A term for security-assured virality; i.e., the seeding of a contract onto a p2p block-chain type system.
IntercontinentalXchange: An evolved and rebranded version of “ICE,” the Intercontinental Exchange, which is currently the leading network of regulated exchanges and clearinghouses for financial and commodity markets.
Jennifer Hoes: A sologamist and artist scraped from a Buzzfeed-style listicle about unusual marriages.
King Mencius: The governing sovereign leader of AKoN. A figure extrapolated from the neo-reactionary blogger Mencius Moldbug (otherwise known as San Francisco software developer Curtis Guy Yarvin) and his blog, which advocates a hierarchical meritocratic form of neo-fascism. In essence, he is calling for secession from democratic America to make way for a form of Silicon Valley-dominated feudalism.
Multi-sig: An abbreviation of “multi-signature.” A multi-signature address or transaction is one associated with two or more encrypted keys for heightened security.
Multi-tranched Relationship Default Swap: In this case, “multi-tranched” means several layers of scalable risk and refers to the longevity of the success rate of a relationship. Following from the use of “Default Swap” within finance, a “multi-tranched Relationship Default Swap” would mean a bet taken by a third party on a marriage contract being upheld by the contractees.
Nevadan North: The stretch of land along the I-80 freeway connecting San Francisco to Salt Lake City. In AKoN, this is the area set aside by King Mencius for the autonomous sovrinty programs, where individuals can go to declare “self-sovrinty.”
NuVegas: An advanced real estate development located in Las Vegas after some speculative crisis.
Patchwork: A neo-reactionary idea outlined by Mencius Moldbug on his blog detailing the post-democratic formation of autonomous city-states governed by joint-stock corporations that make up a “global spiderweb of tens, even hundreds, of thousands of sovereign and independent mini-countries.” Residents can choose to relocate between patch-states should they become dissatisfied with their government.
The Searise: A historical rise in DelAware’s water levels (and corresponding loss of territory), caused by climate change.
Seastead: The proposed concept of permanent communities, established on floating platforms in international waters, serving as unregulated testing grounds for experimental forms of governance.
Smart-contract: A mechanism that facilitates, verifies, or enforces contractual clauses by means of computer interface. Contractual clauses may thus be made partially or fully self-executing, self-enforcing, or both.
Sovrinty: A rebranded, more extensively applicable version of the term “sovereignty” as first seen in “An iDrive.” “Sovrinty” refers to the indeterminately recognized legal governance of self, others, land, objects, animals, technology, etcetera.
Stacks/stackability: The vertical integration of numerous entities within a networked ecosystem. Benjamin H. Bratton used the term “Black Stack” at the 2014 Transmediale conference, to talk about the “computational totality-to-come” allowing for changes in governance, sovereignty, and ultimately human relevance in a future age. He proposes a way of looking at (past and current) planetary computation as “forming the body of an accidental megastructure” with post-human implications.
Time-based sustainability clause: A clause dictating that requirements unmet within a stipulated time frame allow for dissolution of the contract. These requirements may be officially assessed as part of formal yearly performance reviews, or automatically as part of a smart-contract.
Tradmarriage: The legally sanctioned contractual pairing of two parties as “husband and wife,” covering all new rights and obligations as agreed by each party upon nuptials. Traditionally, the terms of this union have included shared assets, co-habitation, and mutual maintenance for life or until legal termination of the marriage.
Waifu: An Otaku (digital obsessive) term for a supreme 2D significant other (which might be a character from games, anime, or manga) treated with absolute respect and admiration above all others.